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For women Getting Your Penis Blowjob-Ready
By Bobby Box
Steak and Blowjob Day, what a concept! But do you know where it actually stems from? Prepare to be disappointed.
This newfangled “holiday” was originally conceived in 2002 by Tom Birdsey, a radio DJ in Boston, in response to Valentine’s Day. Instead of cards, chocolate, and overpriced dinners in crowded restaurants, he wanted men’s partners to cook them steak and perform fellatio.
Despite being criticized for its inherent sexism and clapped back at with another, more vulva-centric holiday (Cake and Cunnilingus Day on April 14), this on-air joke has since become a mock holiday that folks can take part in if they’re into it, since, let’s be real here, some of us do like cooking and sucking cock.
If you’re planning on some filet and fellatio this Steak and Blowjob Day, the least you can do is make your cock as suckable as possible, so here are a few tips from yours truly.
1. KEEP IT TRIM.
Over the years, pubic maintenance has become more and more of an expectation for people with penises. Obviously, pubic hair preference varies by individual, so if you and your date have that kind of relationship, ask them what they like. It’s actually really sweet. But if you’re a tad more timid, play it safe and trim.
A survey of over 4,000 Cosmopolitan, Esquire, and Askmen readers found that 70 percent of women like it when their man trims their twig to keep things neat. Unfortunately, the survey did not account for queer, trans, and gender non-comforming people, so this is the only sizeable insight available.
As a general guideline, aim to leave around half an inch of hair using clippers with a teeth guard.
2. DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE BALLS.
This is just a theory, but perhaps testicles are sometimes neglected during oral sex because they’re so often neglected during the grooming process? But the fact of the matter is our testes are both physically and emotionally sensitive, and they’re tired of feeling left out.
Shave your balls in the shower. The warm water keeps the skin as soft and pliable as possible. Then apply a small amount of body lotion or cream on the scrotum, take note of your hair directionality (this hair often grows forward from the perineum), and grab your razor. It’s time to sheath your scrote.
Begin by cupping your balls in one hand and lifting them up so that the skin is taught. For more difficult areas, put pressure on each testicle to pop the other forward and tighten the skin, making it easier to shave.
Some general guidelines are to shave against the grain, limit your razor strokes to one or two passes, and rinse the blade often. Finish with a simple body lotion or cream moisturizer to prevent razor burn and blemishes.
3. KEEP IT CLEAN.
If you’ve recently urinated or have been sweating in your undies (or, frankly, even if you haven’t), be courteous, hop in the shower, wash your shaft and balls with a gentle soap, and rinse thoroughly, since soap dick isn’t all that appetizing either.
If you’re uncircumcised, this is an especially important step, since smegma, a smelly buildup of dead skin cells and oil under the foreskin, can grow over time and lead to infection. To clean, gently pull the foreskin back and wash the glans of the penis using warm water and a gentle, fragrance-free soap, then towel dry. For more stubborn buildups, use baby oil to break the smegma down and wash your foreskin every day to prevent this from happening in the future.
4. WEAR NICE UNDERWEAR.
Those sad, saggy, comfy boxers from college aren’t going to cut it (no judgment, I have those too), but wearing a well-fitted, freshly washed pair of underwear is a simple step that won’t go unappreciated.
According to a large survey from Askmen, the most popular underwear among men (with 42 percent of the vote) is boxer-briefs. Good thing, since GQ surveyed 200 women, asking them which type of underwear they find sexiest on men, and boxer-briefs were the clear winner, accounting for 64 percent of the vote.
Since everyone seems to be on the same page in terms of preferences (though I personally have found gay men love their boys in a jockstrap), there is no excuse not to impress with the undies. Find a pair that makes your butt, thighs, and bulge look great. It’ll give you a little confidence boost, too.
5. TEST REGULARLY.
Staying on top of your sexual health is both responsible and hella sexy. Besides, you don’t want your Steak and Blowjob Day to end with an unexpected STI. If it does, no big deal, baby; just head to the clinic.
Most sexual health institutions recommend individuals test every three to 12 months. However, if you or your partner are having sex with new or multiple casual partners, you might want to test every three to six months. Since most STIs can only be detected at three weeks to three months after contact, it is usually not recommended to test monthly.
